Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
