She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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