You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
