Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
worst night to have a conscience
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize