I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
