Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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