So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
