Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
