I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Life is so much better after having sex.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
