All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
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Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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