Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
