coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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