My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
