I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
