i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize