made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
