My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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