It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
