Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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