walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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