; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
