So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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