I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
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Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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