He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
