There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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