I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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