You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
