My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
