So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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