FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
well you can't waste a boner
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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