Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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