I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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