I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
