No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
