Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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