he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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