i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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