so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Randomize
