Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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