You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
