So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
