How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
