I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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