so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize