He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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