you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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