ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
