I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
