You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
