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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
