My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
