he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You are a genius and a whore.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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