I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
