I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
