she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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