dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
