let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
