Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
