Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize