I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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