Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
