Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
