I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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