Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
