I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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