I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
