Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
