Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
