I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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