If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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