I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
