Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
